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  • Joking Around

    Share your jokes here! (Please keep 'em clean!)
    Amy Campbell
    Editor
    Inside Self-Storage
    amy.campbell@informa.com

    @AmyCampbell_ISS
    480.281.6091

  • #2
    My cousin just called and asked if I would loan her $300.00 to help her pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I'm always willing to help out friends and family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back.

    Before I called her back, my aunt called and told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money. She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the $300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday.

    I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the $300.00 because we all need help at times. So, I called my cousin and told her to come and get the money. A couple of hours later, I get a call from the county jail. It was my cousin crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money.

    My response ... so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!
    "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

    Comment


    • pacnwstorage
      pacnwstorage commented
      Editing a comment
      Kris, what are you going to change your screen name to? Not in N.C. anymore. Maybe, KrisinWA?

    • KrisinNC
      KrisinNC commented
      Editing a comment
      Originally posted by pacnwstorage
      Kris, what are you going to change your screen name to? Not in N.C. anymore. Maybe, KrisinWA?
      I tried but can't figure out a way to do it.

    • pacnwstorage
      pacnwstorage commented
      Editing a comment
      Originally posted by KrisinNC

      I tried but can't figure out a way to do it.
      PM Amy and she can do it. She knows EVERYTHING! LOL!

  • #3
    Some friars needed to raise more money for books for the school, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.

    Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

    He asked the good brothers to close down, but they would not.

    He went back a second time and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

    So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close.

    Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop.

    Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that “Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.”
    "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

    Comment


    • Grizz
      Grizz commented
      Editing a comment
      Dont quit your day job...

      A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop---- get it??

    • pacnwstorage
      pacnwstorage commented
      Editing a comment
      Grizz, sharing some of the zingers from the other forum.

      Yes, I do get the skeleton joke. I think it is as old as I am.

    • Grizz
      Grizz commented
      Editing a comment
      Thats why I dont quit my day job, I only know one joke

  • #4
    As you go through life remember this.................

    No matter how hard you try to push the envelope............It's still stationary.
    "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

    Comment


    • #5
      Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?”

      “I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”

      “I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”

      “Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”
      "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

      Comment


      • Mango Technologies
        Mango Technologies commented
        Editing a comment
        Originally posted by pacnwstorage
        Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?”

        “I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”

        “I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”

        “Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”
        Lol

    • #6
      Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. ”Sid,” asked Al, “Are there any Jews in China?”

      ”I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

      When the waiter came by, Al said, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”

      ”I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen.

      He quickly returned and said, “No, sir. No Chinese Jews.”

      ”Are you sure?” Al asked.

      ”I will check again, sir.” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

      While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

      When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”

      ”Are you really sure?” Al asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”

      ”Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “But we do have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews or grape jews, no one ever hear of Chinese jews!”
      "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

      Comment


      • #7
        I saw a fellow standing on one leg at an ATM.

        Confused, I asked him what he was doing?

        He said he was just checking his balance.
        "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

        Comment


        • #8
          Artery : The study of paintings
          Bacteria : Back door to cafeteria
          Barium : What doctors do when patients die
          Benign : What you be, after you be eight
          Caesarean Section : A neighborhood in Rome
          Cat scan : Searching for kitty
          Cauterize : Made eye contact with her
          Colic : A sheep dog
          Coma : A punctuation mark
          Dilate : To live long
          Enema : Not a friend
          Fester : Quicker than someone else
          Fibula : A small lie
          Impotent : Distinguished, well known
          Labor Pain : Getting hurt at work
          Medical Staff : A doctor's cane
          Morbid : A higher offer
          Nitrates : Rates of pay for working at night
          Node : I knew it
          Outpatient : A person who has fainted
          Pelvis : Second cousin to Elvis
          Post Operative : A letter carrier
          Recovery Room : Place to do upholstery
          Secretion : Hiding something
          Seizure : Roman emperor
          Tablet : A small table
          Terminal Illness : Getting sick at the airport
          Tumor : One plus one more
          "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

          Comment


          • #9
            I was walking home last night and decided to take a short cut through the cemetery. 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them, "I understand...I used to get freaked out too when I was alive."

            Never seen anyone run so fast.
            The future depends on what you do in the present.

            Comment


            • #10
              Don't drive and drink!!!
              Be careful this weekend. Don’t drink and drive!
              A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt.
              After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
              The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
              The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is demolished, but my bottle of 75 year old scotch didn't break. Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune." Then she handed the bottle to the man.
              The man nods his head in agreement, opened it, drank almost half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
              The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
              She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."
              "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

              Comment


              • #11
                Bull$#&*

                There was a big bull, a medium-sized bull, and a little bull in a pasture one day. A friendly crow flew over and said, "Boys, I thought you might want to know - about a mile on down the road, the big high fence got knocked over in the windstorm last night and about twenty of the most delectable heifers you have ever seen are loose - you should go on down and have a good time."

                The three bulls got their horns ensnared in their own fence and soon were trotting on down the road together. Shortly the big bull slowed down and said," Guys go on. I just have to stop here a minute and get my breath."

                So the medium sized bull and the little bull trotted on.

                After a bit, the medium-sized bull said to the little one, "Dude, I have to stop and catch my breath, too."

                The little bull said, "I'll wait for you."

                The medium-sized bull said, "Nah, go on by yourself, we'll catch up directly."

                So the little bull set off alone, and just as he was cresting a rise another quarter mile down the road, the big bull trotted up huffing and puffing to where the mediun-sized bull was standing, breathing at rest.

                They both looked at the little guy going on, and the medium-sized bull looked at the big bull and said, "Boy. A little bull can sure go a long way around here."
                "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

                Comment


                • #12
                  Blond at the Super Bowl
                  A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
                  After the game he asked her how much she liked it.
                  Oh, I really like it, she replied, especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.
                  Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, What do you mean?
                  Well they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! I'm like Hellooooo? It's only 25 cents!
                  Last edited by pacnwstorage; 1st October 2018, 06:08 PM.
                  "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

                  Comment


                  • #13
                    Health Spa Treatment
                    An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical.

                    After a while, the doctor comes out and says, I'm sorry John, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another six weeks to live.

                    But doctor, John replied, I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?

                    After a moment the doctor said, Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day.

                    Excitedly John asked, And that will cure me?

                    No, replied the doctor, but it will get you used to the dirt.
                    Last edited by pacnwstorage; 1st October 2018, 06:12 PM.
                    "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

                    Comment


                    • #14
                      Doctor Geezer
                      An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."

                      Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

                      So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

                      This is what transpired.

                      Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ??

                      Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

                      Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"

                      Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

                      Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

                      Dir. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

                      Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

                      Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"

                      Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

                      Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

                      Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!!

                      Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back."

                      Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."

                      Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

                      Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!!
                      "Never let the inmates run the asylum!"

                      Comment


                      • #15
                        Great job! Lol
                        Mango Technologies, is your in-house I.T. department, outsourced! We manage how your information technology affects your budget and workflow, so you can focus on your business. We focus on the self-storage industry!

                        Comment

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